Scatterbrain

I sometimes marvel at how horrible my memory seems to be compared to functional human beings. A part of me wonders if it’s something I did in my youth or past that caused it. I seem to have such bad memory when it comes to most things. Simple things like street intersections and directions are difficult for me to remember, as are most things I would require to be a functional human being to chug around in this life. And yet, my memory seems to be very vivid when it comes to other aspects like remembering people, faces and music. I still remember that random kid in my grade 3 class perfectly. For the record, I still haven’t forgiven you for destroying my Wolverine figure.

It would be interesting to have someone examine my brain and somehow image what goes on in the crazy thing. One of my working theories is that I don’t have ADHD, but I am definitely far on the spectrum of short attention span. I get easily sidetracked and distracted, and it often gets misinterpreted as “changing the subject”. It’s hard to explain to normal people just how it works. If I was to write out everything that pops into my head, the trail would most certainly confuse whoever is reading it.

Let’s take this lovely little doodad I just sketched up. The first thing is see is something reminiscent to a pentagonal cross-section of the earth, which then leads me to the thought of a Gobstopper. Maybe this will make it easier. Starting from left to right is my thought pattern laid out in excruciating detail: Gobstopper > Jawbreaker > Willy Wonka > Yellow > Candy Store > Outlet Malls > Pennsylvania > Racist White dude at truck stop > Niagra Falls > Wine > Alcoholic Coworker > Absinthe Handcream > Green Gremlin > drunk and disorderly > Homeless people under bridges > Trolls > Always Sunny in Philadelphia > Cringe comedy > Workaholics > Blake Anderson > Peeing off the roof > legalization > Parks and Rec > 2021 > Dan Aykroyd > Crystal Skull > Harrison Ford > Rogue One > Christmas.

I feel the need to cut myself off there because I’m starting to delve too deep into the rabbit hole. To give you an idea, these kind of of thought patterns plague me constantly, and are relentless. It should be no wonder that I have difficulty focusing or staying on a single topic for long. The internet has not helped this problem. AT ALL. Google spoils me, and indulges my insanely sporadic thought pattern. To accompany my erratic thoughts, I also have an insatiable curiosity for the mundane and pointless. This manifests itself in me sitting in front of a computer and googling random thoughts throughout the day, leading to a somewhat concerning search history.

Once in a while though, I find something or someone that keeps my interest for longer periods of time. The problem with this however, is that when I am focused on something, I get very intense. Too intense most times, that I tunnel vision on that thing for a period of time, before I burn out and have no residual interest in it whatsoever after that period. This can usually range anywhere from 6 months to over 5 years depending on the intensity of it. In the rare cases I am able to moderate the intensity, I end up with a lifelong interest or habit that I appreciate every once in a while. Maybe that alone makes all the hassle and grief worth it. Maybe.